Personality change does not excuse world domination
by LittleRuky
Summary: In spite of what others might say, the Strawhats were content with their hyperactive captain and his craziness. No,they surely didn't need a tyrannical Luffy and certainly not in the middle of attempting to bring down Doflamingo. Now they are stuck with having to search for the Devil Fruit user at fault as well before their captain decides that owning a fleet is not enough anymore.
1. Pirates and personality change don't mix

**Warning: OOC Luffy, crack, swearing like the pirates they are. Dressrosa Arc-centric**

 **Disclaimer: Don't own it, you know it.**

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"Didn't you hear me, you bloody idiot!?" The raving captain threw the plate full of meat, other assorting dishes containing meat and a glass full of water on the floor with a resounding crash. His jet black gaze glared with such an unnerving intensity that Chopper yelped and dived under the table.

Unfortunately, his captain's feet were under there too, so the small reindeer ended up being hurled onto the bar's countertop by a well placed kick to his side.

Sanji's furious exclamations about the wasted food and Nami and Usopp's own protests about their doctor's treatment did nothing to deter the man sitting at the table. Zoro risked a glance backwards while he struggled to keep a livid, idiotic cook at bay and found the young man with the nastiest scowl he had ever seen on someone's face. He kept looking between the people gathered in the galley with what was most certainly contempt.

Those unforgiving black eyes finally stopped to rest on Sanji's still struggling form and he decided to make the blond see the error of his ways. And repent in the most brutish manner possible.

"You, blond bastard." His words instantly stilled all activity inside the room and expectant eyes fell on his waiting form. Latching his fingers together in front of his face, the pirate captain gazed over them towards Sanji. "I wish for another dinner right away. I hope this time your inadequate cooking skills will not hinder the placement of more diverse foods on my precious dish."

The idiot twitched and opened his mouth to protest the obvious idiocy of his food making skills, but the green haired oaf next to him halted him mid-yell. The captain silently approved his course of action. It would simply not do to just kill him now and starve later. With another look of complete mutiny, Sanji stormed off to make another round of food. _Just for one bastard_.

"Sanji-kun, please calm down. You know he didn't want to say that." The exasperating orange haired woman admonished gently, rubbing soothing circles on the man's back. "Isn't that right, Luffy?"

That blond pervert looked quite smug now. Snorting in the most disgraceful manner he could muster, the black haired teen bit back with another scowl.

"I've only explained – rather concisely – that his cooking skills were most displeasing, not to mention a complete atrocity. And your continuous meddling in my business is going to reward you with walking the plank!" Most of the sea urchins scattered through the room threw him nasty looks that Luffy only associated with trash and trashy people. How dare they?

"And you'll follow her if you so wish!" The teen felt compelled to add.

That Sanji guy looked even more aggravated now, obviously because his only other occupation besides serving atrocious food was to drool over that woman and he surely wouldn't want the object of his attentions to get thrown away like that. Even if they had another female in the crew.

"Is it just me, or is the guy more eloquent than ever?" The deformed, shoulder-boulder shipwright asked, scratching his equally deformed chin with one obviously abhorrently big metal hand.

Luffy silently applauded his common sense, wishing to rightfully reward his obviousness with something worthwhile when the long nosed, lanky, self-claimed sniper intervened.

"Haven't you found anything, Robin?" His tone was pleading and Luffy had to physically stop himself by stabbing his hand with the fork in order to not lunge at the guy and kick him until he bled.

How were these people even real pirates?! When he had woken up on this bloody ship, thoroughly undeserving to be called a _pirate_ one, the black haired teen was obviously horrified by the weak ass crewmates he had found himself with. As soon as his head had cleared and his inspection of the place ended, the-ahem- _real_ pirate proceeded to test his 'friend's' fighting skills. Most weren't _that_ bad, but when Luffy had ordered them to take care of some crew from a recently raided ship, those idiots started shitting themselves and even proceeded to heal them! How can such a person, who cannot even distinguish between friends and enemies, even be allowed to climb on a ship?

In his opinion, only those who had the strength of mind and body to withstand the uncertainties of this great ocean had the right to even stand on the same wooden floor as him. Unfortunately for Luffy, these sissies were stuck with him and vice versa until they got to the next port. In the glorious moment when he'd finally disembark this ship, the teen promised himself to get out of there while his sanity still held. And probably set the annoyingly happy vessel on fire, just to be sure they had something to do while he fled _– er_ , retreated – to a quiet and safe place.

Robin's sigh broke his contemplation of future plans of freedom, something that made Luffy deeply resent that woman. His schemes were obviously much more important than any novelty they had to discuss. He looked over at the still cooking bastard, crossed his arms and brooded over the unfairness of it all.

"Sadly, no." She said it as if it was truly paining her.

Just what were they hiding from him anyway?

"These books offer no clue other than stating the impossibility of such thing happening naturally."

"So it was a Devil Fruit." The green head crossed his arms, faking a look of concentration. Obviously everyone knew better than to believe the oaf was really thinking.

"Well, there is that problem of _finding_ that Devil Fruit user." Nami shook her head, a look of exhaustion on her face. Exhaustion over what, Luffy wouldn't know. She had lounged on a chair in the sun all morning.

"Maybe we could begin looking when we arrive at the next port. I've heard that a powerful Devil Fruit user had just departed the last one we've been in-" The living skeleton, who was possibly the only crewmember Luffy didn't outright detest – mostly because he was a _freaking_ _skeleton_ and how cool was _that_ – and would like to keep close at hand, suggested. His bony hand was stroking his guitar, earning quiet little sounds that made no sense in the teen's opinion, but he was still a cool skeleton. If only he'd agree to Luffy's offer in joining him and scaring the hell out of people...

"And risk losing our advantage over Doflamingo?" Ah, there it was, his favorite non-crewmember, Law. That guy had the guts and the brains, but he didn't have the authority and as far as the straw hat wearer had been informed, they had an alliance going on so ordering him around will be a delightful pastime he couldn't wait to enjoy. At least _someone_ knew what being a pirate was all about.

The orange head and the sniper threw him reproachful looks and the doctor even had the nerve to glare at him, only it resembled more of a hurt puppy look than a real glare. Luffy made a mental note to man him up, maybe he wasn't a lost cause yet.

"You think that guy Caesar would know what's wrong with him?" Franky fired another one of his stupid questions that made you question your IQ more than you were meant to.

Luffy rolled his eyes and forced the discussion to the back of his mind, opting instead to throw his cook a displeased look as the man placed the plates full of – _at last_ – diverse types of food in front of him. Steeling his heart for a possible disappointment in flavor and quality, the captain dived in, oblivious to the fired debate going on around him, about him.

"Took you bloody long enough. I was starting to wonder if you were planning to kill me." The teen grumbled, taking another bite and chewing it thoughtfully.

"I would've liked that very much, trust m-!" Sanji's mouth was full of leftover bread from the counter, courtesy of Nami. She was obviously trying to stop the guy by all means necessary, even going as far as chocking her own crewmate – as seen in this situation – in the hope that Luffy wouldn't be forced to hear more of his stupidity.

Stupid, but the captain applauded her obvious shot at redemption.

" -then what do you suggest we do?" Usopp's frantic question broke through his munching. "You heard Robin, this is no accident. We should really start looking for the guy, I don't want Luffy to remain this way!"

"None of us want that, Usopp." Zoro shook his head, the golden earrings glinting in a stray ray of sunlight. Luffy wondered how much he would get if he sold them.

"I think it would be better to ask around. I was thinking we could even try returning-" Robin began gently.

"And do what?" Law cut in, crossing his arms over his chest. "Obviously we wouldn't find anything else besides people telling us that Strawhat was cursed. Maybe we should try some exorcising rituals first."

Oh goody, they were talking about him, in front of him, like he wasn't there and would certainly be so asinine to not realize they were really discussing about _him_. And what was that, exorcising rituals? Now that was a good way of spending some free time. Maybe they'd try it on the skeleton, Luffy was curious what would happen. He was just about to offer some tips on that when a shrill voice, that caused his ears to ring, shouted out.

"Guys!" Chopper skipped into the room, looking abnormally pleased with himself.

Every, technically, responsible adult in the room turned to look at him. Obviously Luffy was not one of them. He wasn't responsible for any of their sorry asses.

"Since I'm so useless at dealing with Luffy's problems-" Goodie now, he was insulting his own person as well as his captain. It surely can't be healthy. "I figured I should ask Caesar." Obviously the idiot had stolen Franky's idea. "He's a scientist and I thought he can help us." Of course he'd be thinking that, but he hadn't thought about the guy almost killing all of them back on Punk Hazard.

Now that _he_ thought about it, that Caesar guy seemed a pretty reasonable idea of a pirate.

Most of them looked doubtful save Franky, since the idea was his, but they nodded nonetheless and allowed the white clad figure to enter the room.

Caesar glared around him before his jarring gaze fixed on Luffy. The teen grinned sardonically right back at him. The scientist blinked at the show of obvious madness and decided that what the raccoon had told him was true. He didn't know if it was the right moment to laugh at their situation and more exactly, their captain, but since he was still a captive on the same ship, the man decided to leave that for later.

"Well," Nami urged, "what's wrong with him?"

Caesar blinked at the rather acute show of idiocy. "He's obviously switched personalities, you inept woman. Look at him!" The scientist lifted a bound hand, pointing his index finger at Luffy's still eating form. The teen was munching, but his attention was clearly focused on their discussion. "I say he has an acute syndrome of One Eighty Personality Flip."

The group blinked as one and even the captain raised an eyebrow, albeit involuntarily.

"Is that even a real disease?" The clueless raccoon asked, eyes all hopeful and shining.

"'Course not!" Caesar sneered, making Chopper jump. "It's just a metaphor for his crazy ass behavior. Though that's what that Devil Fruit power must have done to him. You can't be telling me he's not acting out of character!"

"For once, this guy makes sense." Law nodded, earning himself another sneer from the scientist. "Do you know anything about that user?"

The gas man fought down a grimace and shook his head. The nerve of him! First they ask for his expert opinion and then they try to extort even more information out of him, the bastards.

"Don't trust him, I saw him speaking with a shady guy down by the docks." The insufferable Samurai child piped up from the doorway.

Instantly, every accusing glare was fixed on him. Caesar squirmed involuntarily when he saw some of them brandish their weapons and conceded at last.

"Fine, fine, I spoke to him! But I didn't know he had done something to your captain."

"Where is he heading to?" Zoro's _katana_ was dangerously close to his nongaseous throat.

The scientist gulped. "Dressrosa."

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 **A/N: I tried to write something serious, but then it came out like this... so yeah.**

 **This is a fast update because I decided to split this story into short chapters. The updates will depend on how fast I can finish it, but I've got material for now, so I might be posting next week at the latest.**

 **This is kind of an experiment for me, though I do have some experience when dealing with OOC Luffy (how come most of my stories tend to include intended-out of character Luffy?... sniff, I don't know either)**

 **Anyway, I hope you enjoy!**

 **Reviews and Feedback are loved! :D**


	2. Luffy and the Cursed Toy Island

"You must be deranged to even suggest such a thing!" Luffy exclaimed, looking at the people around him. His amazing plan had been sabotaged and now he had to suffer through another round of being stuck with these people!

How much must his luck hate him?

His only consolation was that quite the famous example of a pirate was dominating this island and the raven head decided to take this very opportunity to show these idiots how it was done. It was time to take it upon himself to educate the fools, since he doubted any other chances of escaping were going to spring up. Nami had made it quite clear that she wouldn't let it and Luffy made up his mind that if she didn't repent when this was all over, only the plank awaited her. Preferably in a zone with man eating fish, too.

"So me, Chopper and Brook are going to protect the ship." Nami declared brightly.

Luffy stifled a snort. It was clear she was extremely happy to be left out of learning time. Well, no matter. He'll make some other idiot teach her.

"Usopp, Robin, Law and Caesar will be on the search team." The orange head continued, oblivious to her captain's glare fixed on her face. "And Zoro, Sanji-kun, Franky and Luffy are the team going into the city."

Luffy scrunched up his nose at the people he was stuck with, but supposed it could have been worse. Now he had a real chance at escaping. It was obvious that Nami was an idiot for assigning him on that team since chances of finding an escape increased with the decrease in IQ.

"What do you mean 'search'?" Law scowled, the most rational thing to do in such illogical situations, in Luffy's opinion. "We have to keep to the schedule! Doflamingo has to go _down_." The man was growling now and the black haired teen applauded his fierceness of protecting his dreams. Every one of them could learn something from him.

Such an exemplary pirate.

Nami glared right back at Law, her temple slightly pulsing, though Luffy considered that if he could see that fine muscle movement from this far away, the Navigator had an undeniable problem.

"We have to find the guy who screwed Luffy up and have him return our captain to normal." She spoke slowly, accentuating each syllable.

Reflexively ignoring her words, the pirate captain was becoming even more concerned about her wellbeing, however curious such thing was.

"We will also be looking for that man while we wait inside the city." Robin's reassuring tone allowed the Strawhats to sigh in relief.

Now that every pirate was accounted for and happy with their plans, the large group split, some returning aboard while the others descended through the large rocks on the shore, making a beeline for the city center and the far north, towards Green Bit.

Luffy grumbled all the way through the lively town, his eyes holding a bored light as they took in the friendly atmosphere. It was quite obvious what was happening in that country and it took no longer than a few minutes' walk through the bustling city to realize that. However strange the New World was, toys didn't just up and walked around like people. And surely no one would deem it even remotely normal. As it was, the citizens of Dressrosa were either complete loons or uninformed and stupid. Maybe all three and it will somehow fall to Luffy and his – temporary – incompetent bunch to solve the problem and save the day. The teen wouldn't put it past his supreme luck.

Sighing in discontent, the straw hat wearer glanced around wearily, trying to figure out if an escape route was available yet when the distinct waft of delicious dishes entered his nasal range. Everything around him magically vanished without a trace as Luffy started towards the source of the pleasant smell, not even stopping to tell anyone where he'd disappear. Those idiots didn't have to know anyway.

Thankfully for the Strawhats, Zoro had been paying enough attention to spot their captain slouching away from the group on a back alley. He hit the love cook on the shoulder to make sure he was following, nodded to Franky, and the quartet, Kin'emon included, stealthily started after Luffy.

They found him ingurgitating enough food to feed a small village, though with one hundred percent more manners and tact than his usual self would, and being surrounded by so many plates full of exquisite foods, the teen was barely visible. It seemed that even with the turn of personality, Luffy was still a gluttonous guy.

The black haired captain glared at them when the three took their seats around the table and started helping themselves to _his_ food that _he_ had ordered and surely _he_ 'd have to pay for in the end. Even though he didn't have any money.

To his immense chagrin and irritation, the bastards even had the nerve to glance over at him through the rest of the meal, not even bothering to hide their stares. After a couple of hours of such thing happening – which were no more than a few minutes in actuality – Luffy slammed his fist on the table, fixing well deserved glares on their shocked faces and opened his mouth to speak when loud laughter interrupted him. The bastards turned around to stare over his shoulder at the source again and Luffy followed their example this time, cursing the blasted idiots who dared interrupt him when he was administering justice.

A couple of shady men were gathered around a seemingly oblivious old man, who kept betting his ass off and not winning anything. The straw hat wearer snorted at the pure display of idiocy and stood up, intent on kicking those loudmouths' asses to next week, thus ensuring his sanctuary of peace.

The group of fools gave him disdainful looks as he approached, but remained silent overall until he was a few steps shy from the old man's form. His glare made a few of them blink and smirk, clearly too slow-witted to realize they were signing their own death warrants.

"You have quite the dreadful aura around you, boy." The black haired old man spoke quietly, as if afraid to disrupt the atmosphere. At second glance, Luffy concluded the guy was blind.

 _Great, now I can kill them and demand a large sum of money by inventing an absurd story about the dangerous situation he had been in._

If things went as good as he'd expected them to, Luffy will have his sanctuary of peace _and_ a few golden coins from saving the man, thus getting money to pay for all the food he had ordered.

Zoro shook his head as he watched Luffy beat those obvious thieves half to death. The swordsman might have been impressed by the ruthless nature their captain could have harbored, had he been born with such a tyrannical personality. As it was, he could only watch in disbelief as those people stumbled away in their haste to exit the restaurant, not daring to glance back at the devil that had wiped their asses on the floor. At that moment, the seemingly harmless old man took out his sword and made a huge hole in the freaking floor which successfully stopped their _strategic_ retreat. Besides the unnerving closeness of the abyss, Zoro was more concerned by Luffy's suddenly friendly behavior to the guy. He was obviously trying to get the man to join his crew, if the swordsman's trained _Luffy-hearing_ was anything to go by.

"That was _savage,_ old man! You seriously got to join my crew." Luffy couldn't mask his tone of utter delight any longer. Those guys were surely paste on the ground below in that hole. How an old man like this harbored such an awesome power, the teen left it to destiny, but that didn't mean he couldn't convince the guy to join his crew. With his addition, Luffy had three worthy pirates, four if the green oaf was included, though his derisive laziness was starting to grate on his already overstressed nerves.

The man had the audacity to laugh!

"I thank you for the offer, young man, but I am saddened to refuse. We have different paths paved out ahead of us."

His ominous words did nothing to derail Luffy.

"C'mon old man!" The teen was close to whining. "I just saved you from a bunch of thugs! You gotta repay me somehow."

The guy nodded and started to walk away from him. _Without any other word_!

Gritting his teeth, the black haired pirate released another question. "Who're you anyway?" At least he might be able to hunt him down.

The blind man laughed... _again._

 _Grrr._

"It's better for both our sakes if you don't know." He said before exiting the restaurant.

Luffy twitched. _How dare he?_

"For both your sakes?" Sanji exhaled, looking after the guy with clear suspicion.

The captain rolled his eyes. "Thanks for repeating that horrible statement." He sniffed in indignation. "Get a move on. Oh, and don't forget to pay."

Zoro and Franky looked at each other, silently balancing their options before both darted to the exit, Kin'emon hot on their heels. Realizing what those insufferable barbarians had done, Sanji swore as loud as he could, keeping in mind that there might be ladies around him.

* * *

"What the hell, where's my sword?!" Zoro's almighty roar shook off a couple of tiles from their respective roofs.

Kin'emon watched him with pity, a hand protectively placed on his own _katana._

Sanji's eyes rolled, but he deemed it important enough that the bastard won't lose his way on this big island, so he followed after his crewmate along with the Samurai.

Luffy made to step away from them as inconspicuously as he could muster, praying to all gods that they wouldn't notice his absence that fast. Unfortunately for him, Franky had other ideas.

"Luffy wait up! I've got an idea." The robot looked pretty serious so the teen decided it best to be honest.

"Let me go, I'm going!" His scowl simply bounced off the shield of pure obliviousness.

"Don't worry, I know what needs to be done. Leave everything to your bro!" Franky's sunglasses glinted dangerously in the sunlight.

Luffy rolled his eyes. "What the fuck are you on now?"

* * *

"Not gonna lie to you, this was probably one of my best ideas."

And this was saying something.

Fortunately, they still had limbs and neuron synapses, though Luffy had an inkling feeling he'd better be holding onto his for dear life.

Unfortunately, the bleeding guy in front of them was not so lucky. Luffy would have wanted to make sure he finished the old man's job in killing the guy, but the towering shipwright behind him insisted that he had a plan that could possibly help them. The captain doubted it very much, but at least he'd play along and maybe, he'll find something interesting enough to do around here.

"Just as I thought... you're obviously Doflamingo's man!" Franky exclaimed dramatically. "Tell us everything you know about the SMILE!"

Luffy crouched down with a heavy sigh. He had the inkling feeling it was going to be a long time until they'd move.

"I-I... I've got no i-idea about this MSILE thing." The sputtering guy managed between coughing blood. He looked to be having some kind of seizure if his foaming mouth was anything to go by.

"What the hell is MSILE? You have some kind of weapon, old man?" The teen grinned maliciously as he bent forward, his fake beard touching the guy's nose and his black sunglasses reflecting the terrified face of his victim.

"It's SMILE, not MSILE. Clearly this guy doesn't know anything." The cyborg muttered, crossing his huge arms over his chest.

"Yeah, he's definitely useless. Let's go already." The straw hat wearer huffed, preparing to stand up. "Finish him, Franky."

The sudden yelp and scramble behind made Luffy raise an eyebrow. He turned back to see the guy weeping, snot all over his face, and underneath the repugnant sight, a horrified expression.

"W-W-Wait, everyone's so busy at the Colosseum you won't find anyone who'd know!"

"Oh?" Now that was interesting. "And why is everyone goin' there?"

Heartened by the display of interest, the guy carried on. "It's a big event there today! Everyone is going to watch it. The young master has prepared an amazing prize!"

Franky threw him a doubtful look, but unseen to the two men, Luffy's eyes sparkled at the notion.

"Could it mean that weapon of mass-destruction that Mingo was talking about?!" The teen exclaimed, referring to his earlier conversation with the man.

"He only said that it'd be something you'd want..." Franky grumbled, lost and concerned.

Cheers suddenly erupted all around them from the direction the teen pinpointed the Colosseum to be in and Luffy couldn't contain his glee anymore.

"Tell me what it is!"

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 **A/N: Hi :D**

 **Quick update before I go back to procrastinating and writing anything else but the end to this story (why must brain always do this?) xD**

 **Anyway, just a random note on Luffy's unchanged appetite in case you were wondering: in my opinion,** **it's ingrained in his brain/being not just his personality so it remains a constant o3o**

 **Reviews and Feedback are loved! ^^**


	3. Luffy and gaining the Fleet Fleet no Mi

Robin glanced around the plaza, at the people seated at the cafe's tables and lastly, at her entourage. In spite of Law's protests, the man had conformed in assisting them in their search for the culprit, but the group had come up empty after a couple of tiring hours of needlessly asking around. No amount of torture would press Caesar to say anything more about the guy than what he looked like and his codename, though the scientist insisted that: "It's the only fucking thing I know about him, goddammit!"

Faced with such a tricky situation, she and Usopp had decided to stop pretending any longer and forgo the mission in favor of concentrating on the guy. Unfortunately, that fact did not sit very well with Law.

"If you couldn't find him, then he's gotta be on another part of the island! Let your friends search for him and concentrate! Time's almost up." His growling face and the feral look in his eyes convinced Usopp for the most part. Robin was tempted to question her captain's choices.

The archaeologist shook her head, desperately wishing for the guy to materialize out of thin air but he didn't come. After another unsuccessful attempt at making peace with Law, Usopp gave up and nodded. Robin followed soon after.

* * *

"Such a beauty!" Sanji's exclamation grew steadily faint as they continued running.

Zoro snorted. Obviously that idiot cook would be distracted by the first woman he met on the street long enough to lose him and possibly sabotage the whole plan. It did not help that the bastard who'd stolen his sword was still on the run and they did not have any solid plan to corner him. Beside him, Kin'emon glanced back worriedly after the blond.

"Don't worry, he'll find his way back at some point."

Deciding to stop thinking about the Love Cook, Zoro concentrated on running and not letting his precious _katana_ escape through his fingers again. Unfortunately, he was a tab bit too concentrated on the task and ended up hitting another running figure at the first intersection.

"Ow, what the hell? Watch where you're going, dammit!" Just as the first words were leaving his mouth, a shadow cut his view of the shining sun.

"Sorry." The new man looked pretty apologetic so Zoro decided to let it go.

"Why were you running anyway?" Kin'emon asked as he came closer. His sunglasses did not betray any of his internal conflict.

The black haired guy scratched the back of his head sheepishly. Zoro noticed he had a small scar on his left cheek.

"I was just about to ask you that, but then I saw the _katana_ disappear down the road." He gestured in the direction.

"That's the wrong wa-" Kin'emon's comment was drowned out by Zoro's savage growl. Even the new guy seemed distinctly unnerved.

"You're Roronoa of the Strawhats, right?"

The swordsman raised an impressed eyebrow and nodded. Whoever the guy was, he could take him on anytime, even with only two swords.

The brunette nodded. "I'm VG-66 Unit fifty o–I mean name's Camu." The guy stumbled on his words for a second before clearing his throat awkwardly as he added quickly. "I'm just passing by on this island. Some girl was running after me." He added, looking embarrassed.

Zoro raised an eyebrow at both the reason and the strange beginning of his introduction, but did not comment. He had to admit the guy looked good enough to pass that excuse by.

"Where'd you say you saw the thief?" The green haired pirate asked impatiently.

Camu seemed to read the tense atmosphere as he nodded and urged them to follow him.

* * *

"So it's the real thing?" Franky asked in astonishment.

"You think my master would tell such a pointless lie?!" The bleeding guy on the ground was spilling his life blood more profusely now, but he did not seem to mind anymore.

"Ace's... Mera Mera no Mi." Luffy tried the words on his tongue, almost reverent in their intonation. It had been a long time since he'd spoken of his dear dead older brother, but he surprisingly found that the notion of Ace's death was no longer something that hurt much and he was glad for it. Now he could put his newly devised scheme in application without feeling remorseful.

After the shocking revelation, Luffy's mind was immediately on fast forward, a plan already having been concocted inside his mind by the time Franky managed to utter those five words. As some would put it, fate was only giving to those deserving and, somehow or another, fate had been kind enough to give him the possibility of gaining his brother's Devil Fruit, but was still infuriatingly insistent that he couldn't leave these idiots behind. What kind of logic was that?

Leaving such spiritual matters behind, Luffy decided to return to more corporeal ones, such as the infinite possibilities presented to him when he'd have Ace's Fruit. The teen did not doubt he'd be the one winning it, but the real problem was what he'd do with it once he'll have it. The answer came about pretty easy, surprisingly. So many tempting offers and Luffy finally managed to cross out all useless and impracticable ones. In the end only one, amazingly cunning and devious, remained. It will bring him such amazing power and influence – not to mention authority – that the black haired pirate almost, for one dignity breaking moment, allowed himself to smile. But then it was gone and the other two remained none the wiser.

 _Yes, I'll definitely be unbeatable with this!_

His gleeful musings were interrupted by the guy's long and boring explanation about how Devil Fruits worked. Obviously he'd already deduced that from the moment he had told them that Ace's Fruit was there on Dressrosa.

Revising the amazing plan inside his mind one more time, Luffy allowed an unbidden smirk to crawl on his face. Yes, he will obtain that Fruit and place it somewhere safe for starters. After that, he'll kidnap a young, unsuspecting kid and teach him to be the best pirate.

Ruthless, cunning, murderous and intelligent.

If he did not find a suitable kid, Luffy supposed he always could take that Momotaro-whatever and wipe his memories. Disposing of the father will be easy enough and the kid seemed to know some of the Samurai ways too. After teaching the kid all he knew and was expected of a standard pirate to know, he'd give him the Fruit and train the little brat in combat. He'll drill the ways of fighting and the secrets of the fire power, culminating with the _Dai Enkai: Entei_ and maybe even going as far as discovering a new, much more powerful, attack.

 _And then I will become a force to be reckoned with once I command the Mera Mera no Mi into battle._

His gleeful inner rambling was once again interrupted by Franky.

"Ah, that's right, Ace was your..." The older man began, his face – even though masked – betraying every bit of the pity his tone exuded.

But Luffy could not find it in him to care at that moment.

"I want it! The Mera Mera no Mi!" His shout was half childish, half desperate, but he hoped his oblivious crewmate won't notice.

Unsurprisingly, Franky didn't notice. Instead, he launched into a full-fledged speech about how it was a memento and shit. Luffy couldn't be bothered to try and listen. Almost jumping in his excitement, the teen turned on his heels and made for the Colosseum, a frantic shipwright hot on his heels.

* * *

"Outta my way, broken toy soldier!"

The poor toy jumped to the side just in time to not be trampled on by Luffy's hurrying form. The teen looked positively gleeful under the disguise. His eyes roamed hungrily over the huge building, trying to see over those thick stone walls.

"Hey, Luffy. Looks like you have to go in through there." Franky pointed to a stand where people were lining up to compete.

For once in his life, the cyborg had been helpful.

"Good job, minion. Let's go."

Franky looked taken aback by the title, but then quickly reminded himself that Luffy had another personality and he should expect the unexpected. Now that he thought about it, the shipwright had a feeling that he should not let Luffy on his own while he was like this. Nami had especially appointed them to look after him. But his captain was already at the nice lady behind the desk, contemplating the best name to go under in this competition.

"Oh, that's simple. It's gonna be Fleet Commander Luff-" A huge, metallic hand slapped over his face and muffled his words midsentence.

Luffy glared with all the scorching heat of someone whose face was completely secluded by a huge obstacle. If looks could affect material things, Franky would've needed a new hand by now.

"Listen, this is important." The cyborg began, trying to be inconspicuous, but failing miserably.

For the sake of his sanity, Luffy pretended to listen.

"Fight to your hearts' content, but don't give away your identity." Frankly, the cyan haired man shouldn't have said that nor give Luffy permission to literally jump ahead and kill himself, but Franky hoped it wouldn't be the case.

Luffy's eyebrows were up in surprise and he nodded sagely, swatting the large hand away and resuming his conversation with the unnerved woman behind the counter.

"Excuse me, I want to make a rectification for this."

Franky watched Luffy enter the arena, the paper with his registration number and the bolded name stuck on his shirt swaying in the wind.

 _ **Fleet Commander Lucyfer**_

In retrospect, maybe he shouldn't have let his unstable captain to call the shots. Either for the name or the fight.

* * *

Luffy glanced around the crowded waiting room, his eyes wide and full of excitement. These guys looked pretty strong, not to mention really ferocious.

 _Finally, I get to meet real pirates. My powerful fleet is as good as secured._

The black head continued walking around, silently observing the various degrees of warming up exercises and muscle display. Unfortunately, his wanderings were noticed and frowned upon by a couple of the participants.

"Oi, brat with the fake beard! This is an arena, go back home!" A particularly bulky one exclaimed, flexing his biceps and growling in warning.

"Hmm? Oh, you seem pretty capable." Luffy regarded the man seriously from behind his sunglasses. "I guess you could join my fleet."

The guy's eyebrows twitched. This lanky kid was telling _him_ of all people to join his fleet? It was a terrible mistake, not only because of the fact that the kid was obviously lying, but he would never join such a weak man either. His pride was too sensitive for that!

"Who the hell do you think you're talking to?" The large man drew his fist forward in an attempt to land a good reminder for the scrawny man that he couldn't possibly forget. But whatever his fist collided with, it wasn't flesh.

Luffy side-stepped at the last moment and launched a furious strike of his own, coated in Armament Haki. How dare the guy refuse him after making such a tempting offer? He was obviously a cretin and he truly hoped the others weren't like him. There had to be some real pirates somewhere and he was determined to find them and make them join his crew.

His fist rendered the guy useless in a millisecond. As the dust settled, the rest of the participants threw dubious looks to the kid, but they refrained from commenting. Obviously Luffy had gained their respect and admiration, so without further ado, he had decided to screw the formalities.

"From now on, you are all part of my fleet!" The teen declared pompously, grinning at the frightened and livid glares coming from all around him. Oh they couldn't wait to join him.

Further talks were interrupted by the arrival of the Chinjao family. The teen knew these guys had a powerful fleet on their backs, not to mention the means to destroy a small country. Luffy wasn't an idiot, he had done his homework when he'd first arrived here. These influential people were a very much needed force in his future armada.

Surprisingly, they were here to restore some order, but that was no longer needed since he had already dealt with it. A couple of other big names entered the room at some point or the other and with each famous face, Luffy grew more and more thoughtful on how to make them join his fleet. He still wasn't sure on the details, but the straw hat wearer knew for a fact that he couldn't just up and ask them like the others. He had to be more subtle about it.

Further talk was shushed as the announcers came to relay the rules and the distribution of the combatants in the four blocks. For all it was worth, Luffy landed in Block C, something that almost made him protest, but stopped at the last minute as he quickly figured out that it wouldn't matter anyway. They were not divided by strength and even if it was so, they would have made the biggest mistake to underestimate him. Well, their mistake his gain.

The teen was promptly ushered by a rather nice looking lady to the armor room where he had hastily snatched a golden helmet – which he was intending to keep – a red cape and a shield. He wasn't sure what he'd do with it once the actual fighting began, but Luffy supposed he could always slam it in someone's face. Just as he was about to return to his participant assessment, a large statue snatched his attention long enough for him to actually stop and admire it.

The bust was enormous and the story written there didn't make much sense to him, but then again, nothing did these days.

"This guy had to have a ton of chicks fawning all over him." The pirate mused, ignoring the blonde man dressed in strange clothes shouting in the background. He had been talking non-stop to Luffy, even if the teen was constantly and actively seeking to ignore him.

It seemed the guy was a pirate, obsessed with popularity and a stupid idiot all over. _Nothing to do here..._

"Want to know about him?" A girl's voice sounded right next to his ear, making Luffy jump back and almost bludgeon her with the shield. How dare she stand so close to a ruthless motherfucker that dared enter such obvious murder fest and not expect her neck to be snapped cleanly in half when invading his personal space was beyond him.

"No thanks, I was just admiring the architecture." Luffy scowled, for once resorting to the truth.

The girl ignored him and launched into a full-fledged explanation and story about the guy.

One half of a positively annoying hour later, Luffy finally managed to disentangle himself from the clingy girl with reasonably more information about the current events than before. Though he'd have preferred the blonde guy to irritate him, she was repentant enough in the end to buy him food. At least Rebecca – since he had repeatedly ignored all introductions until their parting when he was forced to hear it again – had the insight of the female population and the protection of some higher being.

The roar from the arena drew him close enough to the concrete railing to see the result of the battle below. It seemed some real motherfucker had won.

 _Well what do you know? I was right._

* * *

 **A/N: Hello :D**

 **Sorry for being so late with the new chapter! Life is hard when you have huge exams coming up (sniff)**

 **And no, I'm definitely not procrastinating with finishing this story...**

 **... okay fine, I am definitely procrastinating with writing this. I haven't written anything ever since I posted the first chapter, but I already started three new fanfics (well, ups?)**

 **I just hope some random burst of inspiration would hit before I run out of written material o.o; I definitely don't want to put this story on hold...**

 **But enough with my blabbering! I hope you enjoyed this chapter!**

 **Reviews and Feedback is loved! ^_^**


	4. Luffy and the Colosseum of Doom

"Gotcha!" Zoro's yell was followed by a curse of pain as the bulky bag of other stolen things landed on him, along with a small squirming form of a human being(?).

Eyes wide and mouth agape, the swordsman struggled to regain his breathing and realized that Camu and Kin'emon were no longer with him. And now he had to deal with a small creature that was trying to kill itself and-

 _Is that a fucking tail?_

A couple of streets away, Kin'emon lifted his sword up, glaring at his armed opponents. The Samurai was not sure what had happened, but somehow their black haired companion had made a left somewhere along the way before arriving in the plaza and he got lost. From what he'd seen, the man was pretty lanky, not to mention a complete klutz when it came to directions. He had probably gotten himself so lost that finding him would be hard enough without so many gun wielders after him so Kin'emon decided to deal with one thing at a time. And then maybe search for him.

 _That idiot reminds me of someone. But who?_

* * *

Luffy had to suffer through another half a minute of continuous applause for Block B when he finally sighed tiredly and decided to screw this shit. He wasn't going to stay and watch those idiots get smashed up without him helping them become like that. He was half tempted to include Bartolomeo in his fleet lineup. That guy looked like he had guts. He couldn't wait to see him in battle.

When he returned to the common room, the teen was partially surprised to see a sea of bodies and people running in and out trying to treat the losers. The pirate huffed. Another interesting thing had happened without him! At this rate he was going to die of boredom before Block C was called for battle.

"Monster...!" One of the luckiest to be conscious moaned from his spot on the stretcher.

Before Luffy could grab him and have some serious questioning done, another voice behind him halted his advances.

"Oi, I'm not blind. Even without all those layers of disguise I'd never forget your face, bastard." The tall blond behind him made Luffy raise an eyebrow.

"Who the fuck are you?" Granted, his first reflex was not the most recommended in such situation, but the black haired captain could care less who he ended up insulting. They'd go down anyway. Instead, Luffy tried and failed to rake his memory for the face, but the closest thing he came back to was one big cherry pie and he released an involuntary shudder.

Bellamy twitched when he heard the bastard's question but abstained from lashing out and killing him prematurely. No, he would like to enjoy torturing the little fiend. He must have realized by now who he was talking to if his sudden trembling was anything to go by.

The blond hid a rather dark, blood curling smirk and turned to walk away.

"I have no more grudges against you since that time in Jaya. Now I'm going to win this tournament and place myself on Doflamingo's ship. I won't mock you anymore." He lifted one hand in silent parting as he entered the arena through the crowd's cheering.

 _"And now commencing the fight in Block B!"_

Seemingly oblivious to what was going on around him, Luffy suddenly snapped his fingers, a look of recognition passing over his face.

"He is that one idiot I planted in half-island-that-was-not-in-the-sky!"

* * *

"... He was also some cheeky brat who rose after me. He must be killed." The blond guy glared heatedly down on the battlefield at a relaxing Bartolomeo.

During his short, one-sided chat with the man, Luffy concluded some important things like (a) the guy was a bloody killer, something which deeply impressed the teen, given that his appearance surely wasn't suggesting such a thing and (b) the straw hat wearer will make sure both these guys will be part of his future fleet. That is, when he'll find a way to convince the blond not to kill him (yeah, he's seen those heavily shredded wanted posters at some point). But that was a matter for another time.

Right now, he had more pressing things to attend to.

"What was your name again?"

Cavendish's brow twitched at the utter show of bluntness but he conformed to give the kid an answer. After that, he resumed skimming through his papers and absently cursing their owners.

"By the way, how is Garp doing?" Old man Chinjao asked casually, appearing literally from the middle of nowhere.

"He looked good the last time I tried to kill him two years ago." Luffy's automatic response surprised the trio. Granted, Luffy didn't really try to kill his grandfather back then – he still wasn't sure why, but he'd make sure the next time they'll meet he'd get on with it – but the old man had tried to kill him instead so it was only a fair said lie. Besides, it wasn't like that bastard would be asking just to make conversation. There was surely some deeply rooted grudge deep down there and the teen wasn't about to be on the receiving end of that madness.

Don Chinjao looked at the kid, his face still displaying a shocked expression. The answer had been both unexpected and encouraging. Maybe, if he played his cards right, he'll enlist Garp's own grandson's help in the quest to kill him. Yes, that would be the most underhanded way to go about it and it was already making him giddy with anticipation for the downfall of the great Marine hero.

"I like your attitude kid. How about you join my fleet?"

Luffy's face – as much as it was visible – was incredulous. "Hell _no_ , old man." The teen began. He still hadn't thought how to ask the guy. _Dammit_! And now it didn't feel like the right time either, but he surely wouldn't make himself someone's underling either.

"Oh? So you're too good to join me, then?" The old man's small eyes gleamed. "Maybe I should stand by my oath to enact my revenge on Garp's descendants and teach you a lesson, ungrateful brat."

Before Luffy could assure the guy that he wasn't really in Garp's fanclub either, the man was already on his way to attack him.

 _Ugh._

"YOU ARE STRAWHAT LUFFY!" Great, now Cabbage guy's brain had finally connected the dots as well and was brandishing his big sword unnervingly close to his precious fake beard. _Anything but the beard_.

What was that for, luck?

A couple of terror filled – for the onlookers – minutes later, the senile old man was stopped by his stupid and late grandsons. How Luffy hated those unpunctual bastards.

While they were occupied with shouting at Cavendish and vice-versa, Luffy seized his opportunity and jumped through the nearest window. Because that was what every sensible person would do in such a situation.

Clinging to the rock formation, the black haired pirate watched the fight below develop into a shitty spectacle that practically spelled 'please put an end to me'. Fortunately, the pissing Bartolomeo stopped all of them and won his spot in the finals.

 _Definitely making him head of public affairs._

* * *

 _"We'll be now commencing the fight in Block C!"_ The announcer's words brought forth another wave of cheers from the crowd.

Luffy scratched his nose, looking around at the serious faces his adversaries possessed. They must have been awfully hopeful in their chances to win if they dared display such composure. Well no worries, the teen will make sure they are all accounted for.

Allowing a malicious grin to spread over his features, he quickly calculated the best way to go about it. A big black cow on the other side of the ring mooed menacingly.

 _Bingo._

No more than fifteen minutes passed from the beginning of the battle and Luffy was already bored. Admittedly, it had been fun in the beginning. He and his newly appointed mascot, Dark Demon Ucy, had practically demolished all the weaklings around the ring before the stupid cow collided with the giant's foot. After an unsuccessful attempt at squashing them both from his adversary and a good pounding from Luffy later, the giant was down, taking with him quite a couple of poor fighters that were unlucky enough to be there.

" _He's appeared like a shining star and quickly became the fan favorite. The man who made us all laugh of his name, the terror on a death god, Fleet Commander Lucyfer!_ "

That old man really knew how to recognize talent. Luffy was half tempted to add him to his fleet only to have awesome comments like these during battles.

"Nice helmet you got there."

Luffy's eyes widened when he realized there was no longer anything on his head. His mind briefly flashed back to Franky's parting words and he gulped. Thankfully, his cape was finally proving to be useful. Honestly, the cactus guy just had to target him and think he can get away in one piece.

The guy started talking half assed shit and Luffy had already lost interest. Deciding to make use of the favorable moment, he launched a _Gomu Gomu no Pistol_ and the thief was sent flying in the flesh eating fish infested waters.

"Good riddance." The helmet wearer spat, placing his newly favorite headgear back on.

"You will atone, Strawhat Luffy! For the crimes of your grandfather!"

Great, now Chinjao was back and this time Luffy wasn't going to escape. Oh well, it was high time the teen began disposing of the unwilling ones. But before that, he had one proposition to make.

"If I beat you, your family will join my fleet!" Luffy exclaimed, pointing a finger in Chinjao's direction with all the dramatic air of a good liar.

The old man sputtered a bit, but he regained his wits long enough to roar.

"Prepare to die!"

"Why are you people so unhelpful?!"

Their first strike properly decimated all the remaining combatants.

" _In C-Block, only two remain!_ "

The rest of the fight went by in a blur as the teen went all out, forgoing any obstructions and at the end Luffy was sure of one thing: the old guy had undergone a dramatic plastic surgery by his hand. While the earlier shape of his head had been nearly normal, now it had an impossibly pointy shape that made the black haired pirate almost cringe. Surprisingly, Don Chinjao looked positively gleeful at the change... that is, if he would have been conscious. As it was, his smiling, unconscious face was enough to understand what was going on inside that abnormal head of his. Either way, Luffy was sure he'll welcome the change.

Deciding to forget such matters, the black haired pirate allowed himself to bask for a few minutes in the cheering of the crowd and the flattering comments the guy with the Den Den Mushi kept rehearsing. He almost lost his balance when the ring disintegrated, but that only made the crowd applaud harder.

Luffy smirked. That was the supreme victory he was talking about.

He didn't even take one step back into the safety of the colosseum when Cabbage was onto him, quite literally. Luffy barely caught the sword, pinning his lowered guard on the adrenaline rush and daze induced cheering, courtesy of the crowd.

"Strawhat, you've no longer anywhere to run!" The blond pirate spoke through gritted teeth, his blue eyes cold with determination and his mouth curled into a tight line.

Luffy started then smirked back. The guy looked positively savage. He had to get him to join his fleet.

"Cabbage." The teen's call successfully diverted the man's obvious homicidal thoughts. "Join my fleet."

A loud yelp from his right shadowed Cavendish's own protest. The blond pirate looked to be positively glowing with rage.

"As if I'd ever bow down to you. DIE!"

 _Aw damn, what's with you today luck?!_

"Hey, Strawhat!" Great, the old fart was back for double revenge with a side-dish. Why couldn't these guys leave him in peace now that they've refused him!

Chinjao frowned and Luffy took a step back. Just in case. Suddenly, the tense atmosphere was broken when the giant old man suddenly bowed deeply, thus destroying the stone floor.

"The bastard can't take a hint and shove it!" The black haired teen growled, diving after the corner for safety. He was partially mortified when he bumped into the motherfucker from earlier. He seriously knew that something was wrong with that guy – like, clinically wrong. More wrong than even him and that was saying something.

Luffy knew he was no saint, and he surely wasn't aiming to be one either. But his most destructive thoughts ended somewhere between utterly destroying someone who had wronged him and unblemished, pure arson. Nothing more and nothing less. The guy in front of him surely did not have such strict compunctions. He remembered very well the bastard's sadistic and family destroying captain, too.

"Ah, captain. It's Strawhat." The big guy spoke to the receiver.

Blackbeard's annoying voice answered almost too delighted to pass off as simple evilness.

"He's there with you right now?" Without waiting for an answer he continued. "It's been a while, Strawhat Luffy. _Zehahaha._ "

Luffy twitched involuntarily at the blasted sound.

"I heard you entered the tournament," the man on the other line felt the need to point out the obvious, "under a really funny name."

"Your mom's name is funny!" Uh-huh, that reaction had been quite unnecessary. Burger –or whatever his name was – looked quite shocked. Blackbeard's silence was broken by his own laugh.

"I see you gained some guts in these two years. Don't worry though, the Mera Mera no Mi will be going to Burges. It'll feel like Ace really joined my crew! You know, he turned down my offer-"

"Good, 'cause Ace would have been wasted on a crew that has to hear your laugh and all." Curiously, Luffy felt the need to defend his dead older brother. Maybe he was getting too sentimental. He'd have to remedy that. "Don't worry, you bastards won't be getting your hands on it!"

Burger only laughed along with his captain as Luffy stalked out of the room, bumping – _again!_ – into someone.

Rebecca offered him a polite smile and food. If she would continue like that, Luffy would feel compelled to ask her to join his fleet too.

* * *

 **A/N: I have exam simulations in two days and here I am xD**

 **... I studied so much today my brain hurts ;-; i hate literature sniff**

 **Anyways, I'm wondering how many of you figured out who Camu is xD Please tell me if you have any ideas and you might get virtual cookies if you get it right o3o**

 ***still furiously procrastinating in finishing this story* the counter of written material goes down again *sweats* This is nothing!**

 **Reviews and Feedback is loved! :D**


	5. Luffy and Tearful Reunions don't mix

**This story follows the Dressrosa arc very closely, so if you forgot what happened, you might get confused on the way, though I tried to clear up everything that happens as much as I could. Please keep in mind that the events happening outside of those noted in the story do not change (so basically everything goes exactly the same where Luffy isn't concerned), though I tried to clear _this_ up as well. I know it seems like a spoiler, but I'd like it better if you retain this information when reading the story at large. **

* * *

Somehow, in some strange and twisted way, he had found out her backstory. Luffy wasn't sure what he did – because the teen was pretty sure the only thing he _really_ had done was eat and mind his own business – but Rebecca practically burst in moment two and started to tell him everything.

In front of a dozen bloody gladiators – who surely wouldn't have cared nor wanted to hear that – no less. And through it all, the captain could only eat and hope that she would stop for the sake of avoiding the future awkwardness that was sure to appear when she finished spitting it all out.

And it did appear, but Rebecca and the other men did not seem to mind it. Luffy sometimes wondered what was wrong with the world. Then, as it would only have happened in stories with idiot people and about idiots, the girl entered the ring to fight to the death.

 _Uh-huh. I'm not writing a book about her if she dies._

Now she even started to cry!

Well, the crowd didn't help, but neither her dying would, since Luffy was pretty sure he didn't have the skills to write anything close to a story. But then again, maybe he'll bribe Robin to do it.

* * *

Camu looked right then left, but couldn't see any of the Strawhats passing by. The black haired man sighed and crossed his arms, leaning back on the rough stone of the colosseum wall and settled for a long wait. He had decided, after getting lost helping Zoro in his search, that whatever would happen, it was possible that someone from the Strawhat crew would be coming here.

So Camu, without anything better to do and really wanting to complete the mission he was sent to Dressrosa for, decided to wait for them here.

The continuous roar of the people watching the fight was becoming obscenely loud and irritating in his ears, but the man willed himself to stay calm and keep a watchful eye on the crowd. Unfortunately, his current personality was not allowing him to really remain concentrated for more than a few minutes, not to mention stay still.

Just when he was ready to consider hitting his head against the wall from the continuous boredom, something green caught his eye and Camu all but bounced to hug Zoro.

On his part, the swordsman drew back but nodded in greeting to the energetic man. Sometimes the guy really reminded him of Luffy.

"So how do we see Luffy?" The first mate asked, eye assessing the bars in front of him critically.

"I know not..." Kin'emon answered, looking lost.

Neither of them noticed Camu stiffen and take a step back. Whatever these guys wanted with Strawhat himself, Camu would surely not enjoy meeting him. So he did the only sensible thing he could think of: flee while they weren't looking. If he was lucky, the two sword wielders would finish quickly and he'll join them after that, making up some excuse for his sudden disappearance.

The man could only hope they didn't want to bring Strawhat along with them.

* * *

Luffy was confused, if a little miffed at the current situation he had found himself in. Besides the downgrade his mood had taken since he had practically forced himself to cheer for Rebecca, hoping in vain that the girl wouldn't die so he won't have to write that blasted book, now he was finding himself with the snot nosed, tear stained face of an ugly being in his face.

The pirate captain almost administered justice, but at the last moment decided to look behind the corporal fluids and was surprised to see Bartolomeo. The man was crying in happiness, if nothing else.

Before the straw hat wearer could ask the guy what happened, if only just to make conversation and wipe the impending death of the pink haired girl from his mind for a moment, Bartolomeo grabbed his arm and dragged him to one of the barred windows of the colosseum. Luffy promptly released a groan when he saw who was down on the street on the other side.

"Zoro! What the hell are you doing here?!" Luffy's yell made both men wave their hands in a sign for him to shush. "Who is that creepy dude next to you? Is he powerful?"

"Keep it down you idiot!" Zoro gritted his teeth, trying in vain to abstain from killing the little bastard on the other side of those bars. Now he was putting their mission at risk with his damn blabbering! Zoro didn't even address the question about Kin'emon because, for all intents and purposes, the Samurai had been present on their boat all the way until here.

Decidedly ignoring the oaf, Luffy continued undeterred. "What the hell are you doing here?"

Zoro gasped. "Why the hell didn't you tell me there was a tournament like this, bastard?!"

"Shut up, the Mera Mera no Mi's mine." The pirate captain stuck out his tongue through the bars.

The green haired swordsman willed himself to calm down and looked at Kin'emon. The man was struggling with a portable Den Den Mushi that will allow them to speak with the others.

"Luffy-dono. We'll be calling Sanji-dono and the others. They want to speak with you." The older man informed the brat above them.

"Oh, I remember you. You're that severed guy!"

Before either of the two down below could make a comment, Sanji and Franky's voices were heard over the phone, shadowed quickly by even more sounds.

Luffy willed himself to listen, hoping against hope that there was something interesting going on. Surprisingly, it was.

"Luffy, you remember that toy you almost flattened when we arrived at the colosseum? He's the guy I met and spoke with."

"Oh."

"They want to launch an all out attack that will effectively transform into a revolution. We have agreed to help them."

What do you know, those people had an _army_.

"Uh-huh."

"This country is hiding some really deep darkness!" Franky sniveled over the line. He continued with another series of complete bullshit before loudly and dramatically exclaiming. "I cannot just send them off to die!"

"Uh-"

Luffy actually stopped to consider this for a few moments. He didn't really care about this country, but he surely had hit jackpot with the word army. This country's revolutionaries _had_ to be some absurdly powerful bastards if they even considered going against Mingo. So that meant that if Luffy's crew would help win this war, then his fleet was partially ensured. Obviously he won't demand anything now, but when repayment time came – _and it will come_ – the teen will make sure to deduct some absurd number of men in retribution and he won't even have to imagine feeling remorse because the authorities will be grateful to him for helping them. Not to mention a potential war was an insanely good lesson for his inapt crewmates. Who knew, maybe they'd even manage to kill someone and then he won't have to dispose of them because of incompetence. For all he knew, this was a win-win situation.

"Alright, we're heading back!" Sanji's declaration was followed by a chorus of disappointed moans.

Franky's side of the line was still silent, awaiting his confirmation. Luffy smirked.

"Sure, go wild! Make sure you kill some people, too!"

He was happy to hear so many happy cheers at the prospect of uninhibited murder.

Suddenly, a large explosion engulfed both Zoro and Kin'emon. Luffy blinked, confused by what had happened.

When the dust cleared, Doflamingo and a half-dead Law were standing and lying, respectively, in a crater. Luffy twitched at the state the other _real_ pirate – who was at least useful and cunning in comparison to the other idiots – was in and growled.

"What the hell do you think you're doing, Mingo?"

"This brat has pushed his luck too much." The flamboyant pirate happily pushed the trigger repeatedly.

"That was awesome and I'm starting to like you! Join my fleet!"

Several pirates in the plaza, including but not limited to Zoro, Kin'emon and Doflamingo himself, turned around to stare at Luffy. On his part, the teen cleared his throat and tried again.

"Right, I mean- what do you think you're doing to Tra-dude?!"

"At least try to make it believable, Luffy." Zoro snorted, unsheathing his sword.

The rest of Mingo's speech was drowned out by the small army of Marines invading the plaza. As if blind to this, Zoro launched himself forward, intent on kicking some flamingo ass, but the shady old man from the restaurant got in his way.

"Do you want to join my fleet now, old man?" The black haired teen asked, oblivious to the Marine coat uniform the elder was wearing.

Issho ignored the kid and focused his full attention on Roronoa Zoro. How such a violent character decided to bow down to the straw hat kid was still beyond him.

A huge battle broke out in the middle of the square. Blood was flying everywhere and people were screaming. Sounds of steel clashing against steel and the smell of gunpowder permeated the air. It made Luffy inexplicably envious to be caged in that stone ring.

" _Ughhhhh_ , Mingo wait for me, I'm gonna be right there!" The teen glued himself to the bars, only to slide away immediately, with jelly-like muscles. "I wanna fight too..." He pouted from his position on the ground.

"LAW!"

"Law-dono!"

Luffy looked up and promptly cursed. "Mingo, where're you going dammit! Make sure you keep Tra-dude alive. I'll come to pick him up later!"

Doflamingo raised a confused eyebrow but decided to not question anything. That Strawhat kid was clearly insane.

"Luffy," Zoro propelled himself near the Sea Stone bars, "find an exit quickly! We'll be running around here."

"Eh? Why?"

The green oaf had the nerve to look mortally offended. "Because we need to catch up to Doflamingo, you clueless bastard! Didn't you listen to anything we said?!"

"Nope."

Zoro willed his thoughts away from suicide.

"Fine then, we're going to Doflamingo's. Hurry your ass out of there." Zoro had barely finished his sentence when the Den Den Mushi acted up again and Sanji's hectic voice came through.

"It's Big Mom's pirate ship! I don't know what's happening-"

"Just kill them all Sanji!" Luffy bellowed, already tired with their one track mind. Why couldn't these guys realize that the easiest way to solve anything was staring them in the face?

"Yeah, yeah, I'm gonna deal with it. We'll be going to lose them and then return-"

"No, you go to that next island or whatever and search for more people to join my fleet!" Luffy interrupted again. He began running with Zoro and Kin'emon along the stone corridor. "We'll see you there."

"Understood. We'll be waiting at Zou." The blond cook replied.

"Leave the destruction of the factory to us!" Franky gave an almighty roar.

"Fine, don't forget to kill some people." Luffy reminded stubbornly. "I don't want Mingo to think we aren't taking him seriously! Zoro and I are breaking into the palace. Kin'eroll can come with us."

"It's Kin'emon, it is, Luffy-dono!"

"We'll be kicking Mingo's ass!"

* * *

Even propelled by that declaration, it took a while for Luffy to actually find an exit. After running about uselessly for a couple of minutes, the black head bumped into Bartolomeo again. The green haired man was carrying a bloody form over his shoulders.

" _Woah_ , you actually killed someone. Congratulations, Barto!"

"T-Thank you Luffy-senpai!" The man looked beyond happy at the praise before his face drew to a blank. "But he's not dead."

He spoke at the same time that Bellamy said, "I'm not dead, you bastard!"

Luffy's face dropped. "Aw man, but you were so close. Anyway, it's great to see you!"

Ignoring his _senpai's_ first sentence, Bartolomeo instead focused on the exclamation which brought him down foaming at the mouth.

"Di-Did you see Zoro-senpai?" The fanboy gasped trough sheer willpower.

"Yeah and now I need an exit. And fast!"

"There is no exit." Bellamy's slurred voice did nothing to deter Luffy.

"Stuff it, Bellymere. I need to get outta this shithole." The black head looked at his future head of public affairs pointedly. Unfortunately, it only resulted in the man almost fainting again.

"I... am getting out of here, though. If... you follow me, you might-"

"Good, then hurry your slow ass. I'm not immortal yet, you know?"

"Shut up!" The blond man rasped. "I'm not doing this for you. I am not going to betray Doflamingo-"

"Yeah, about that. I don't really care and I'm gonna kill his ass anyway so you shouldn't get your hopes up for that promotion."

Bellamy's silence was long enough for Bartolomeo to finally regain his wits and start addressing some valid points.

"But senpai, the Mera Mera no Mi-"

"Dammit! I forgot about that. _God fucki_ -"

"Senpai, don't worry!" Bartolomeo cut the cussing fest to a short. "Leave it to me. I was already planning to give it to you anyway!"

Luffy took a moment to blink. "Are you seriously giving it to me?"

His question was answered in the form of an oath – or something like that anyway.

"Of course it must be in your hands! I'll definitely get the Mera Mera..."

"That's actually freaking helpful." The captain considered. "What do you say you joi-"

"I'm afraid I can't give you the Mera Mera no Mi, Strawhat Luffy." A new voice spoke from a shadowed corner.

Luffy frowned. "How did you get there?"

The man sputtered, but made no attempt to answer his demand. Instead, the form took another few steps towards them, disposing of Bartolomeo effortlessly and grinning smugly up at him.

On his part, Luffy ignored the green haired man's muttering behind their backs and squinted up at the new guy. His appearance spoke oddly familiar volumes, but he couldn't associate the face with anyone he knew. Just as he was about to shove the guy away and resume his business, he took off his top hat and Luffy felt his jaw drop in shock.

"You motherfucker are alive?!"

* * *

"The blasted bastard couldn't even send a letter, how the hell were we supposed to keep in contact. Not to mention that he has the guts to even show his damn face right now after..."

Zoro tuned out Luffy's half-tearful, half-livid rant as they made their way towards the palace, dressed in the most ridiculous costumes he's ever had nightmares about wearing. At least the fountain of continuous swear words that Luffy was now would keep him entertained on the way.

* * *

"Hmm? You cried?" Koalla grinned at the sniffling on the other side of the line. Yep, that must have been a truly wonderful reunion.

Back in the colosseum, Sabo nursed his bruised eye and bloody lip, wincing at the pain. He surreptitiously wiped his equally bloody nose on his coat's sleeve. That little brother of his had really given him a well deserved ass kicking.

After the initial joy and tearful hugs, Luffy quickly descended into hysterics, swear words and punches that left him quite unsettled, but grateful. He deserved the beating. Something was nagging him that Luffy's behavior was strange, but Sabo pushed that thought to the back of his mind for the moment. He had better things to concentrate on right now.

"Oh, you don't have a _bloody_ clue, Koala."

* * *

 **A/N: I was planning to write something, but then I decided to post this. I still don't know why, tho. I'm still procrastinating with this story... o3o**

 **Updates will definitely go very slow for this from now on, but I won't abandon the plot bunny, don't worry!**

 **Reviews and Feedback is loved! :D**


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